


Requiem

by saturnical



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Letter, M/M, Romance, Winner, YG, bit longer than before lmao, kpop, namsong - Freeform, sad???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5244407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnical/pseuds/saturnical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His hands clutched over a piece of envelope with Mino's name written on it.</p><p>“I never got to read it for you, but here, here are the words I never said, but I wish I did.” Taehyun whispered, ripping the envelope open.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Requiem

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to Trin! aka mom

**_Requiem_ **

 

          He was a beautiful boy, smiling through the frozen moment framed atop of his casket; huddles of weeping figures in front of the white casket as it lowers down the fresh plot of land. There was another boy, tinted shades laid on his nose, face unreadable and stoic, hands squeezed against each other, questions spinning in his head against the waves of emotions clustered in one place. His younger sister was crying, tears quietly pouring in her eyes swiftly as if catching up to one another, her bony hands pushing them to the sides, she wasn't supposed to be crying, she thought. There's nothing worth crying, it has been four long, agonizing months of hoping, and now she is here, finding disclosure, she thought.

            It took hours of standing before the clusters of people left his burial, but there he was, standing quietly in front of Mino’s grave, his hands clutched over a piece of envelope with his name written on it.

“I never got to read it for you, but here, here are the words I never said, but I wish I did.” Taehyun whispered, ripping the envelope open.

 

 

* * *

**_Dear Mino,_ **

_The first time you met me, you told me that you believe that the world is flat, at first, I thought that you were being ridiculous, or maybe, you were trying to stand out, but I never knew that it would be those exact words that will hold the two of us together. Two pieces of shattered hearts and two mouths aching for the same mistake and two souls running out of words to say. You have that odd way of smiling, from the way your cheeks turn up or how your eyes widen, it had always perplexed me; on how something so simple could tear me in half, and oh God, how should I start writing these words? How could I write these three words I have been dying to tell you? For fuck’s sake, Mino, I miss you so fucking much. My world is in bits and pieces and your name is still the first thing I utter in my lips. Mino, wherever you are, or wherever you will be, I would always want to see you. Not just your physical embodiment, but I want to see you. I want to see the crack in your smile or small flaws in the back of your hand. I want to see your thoughts once again and tiptoe around feelings we hid for so long. Oh God. I miss you so fucking much. I want to drown myself with your words and warmth and oh fuck, I just miss you so so so so much I couldn’t even breathe._

_I never knew I could love someone as beautiful and as wonderful as you. I never thought that I could love someone with this level of commitment and devotion, I never knew that love can be as strong as this, and I am so thankful for your existence and your edges that cut a little bit too deep and most of all, I am so thankful for pushing me towards the edge of the world and god fucking damn it, we’re flying a million miles down but the galaxies in our hearts will stay as beautiful as ever._

_I’ve never learned the art of missing someone. I’ve never had someone I cared enough about to miss. But you’re a very good teacher, and I’ve learned a lot from your absence. I missed you more than words and pictures can describe. But I'll try. Oh, how will I start this? My skin feels very warm, not burning up, just warm and tingling in some places. I can hear my heart as if I laid my ear directly on it while beats into the symphony of anxiety and pain . Everything feels so sensitive but numb and parts of my body I didn’t know were injured are throbbing. My chest feels like it’s pinching together and my breath is shallow. I don’t know if is the alcohol I drank earlier or the realization that we’re losing each other. Ah, Mino. I don’t know._

_I can’t believe how much I love you. If I would count it down it wouldn’t even stop. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you so fucking much. I’ll love you until I lose all of my chances. From the tips of your fingers down to every nook and cranny of your beautiful mind, I will always love you. From your flaws to your every perfection, I can’t believe that someone like you, someone that fell from the sky would even love me back. It feels a bit pathetic to be writing such letter, but what can I do? What can I do when my lungs scream for your name all over again and my body aches for your usual warmth? What would I do if my mind is running around your existence? What would I do, Mino?_

 

_I am so sorry, Mino ~~. I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry~~ I am so sorry because I never knew enough. I have failed you. I have failed you so many times and I am so sorry for hurting you. I have failed the both of us and I can’t help but whisper sorry lies and stain your pillow with my tears every night. I am so sorry. I have never meant to be such a pain, oh God, what have I become? What have we become? I am so sorry that I miss you so fucking much. I am so sorry for being selfish. I am so sorry I have loved you more than I will ever love myself. I hope you remember that you are not obliged to stay. Not if it’s hurting you. Not if it’s bringing you more pain than happiness._

_I would want to end your pain as much as I want to see your arms open up for me again. But my selfishness and greed won over everything else, and I have prolonged what was inevitable for the both of us, and I am so sorry for dragging out the pain for the both of us, but mostly, for you. I am so fucking sorry._

_The first time you met me, you told me you believed that the world, is indeed, flat, and I believed you. Because if it wasn’t, why would I be falling into the deepest edge of universe while trying to find the right words to say at your silhouette? Why would we be sitting at the edge at one moment, and then screaming goodbyes at the next? And if you can't say yes, answer anyway. Because I'd rather live with the answer than die with the question._

_Supposedly, love is like an eternal flame, and that makes me wish I knew where my matches went. I know what you deserve, and you do not deserve to be treated like this. You deserve the sun, the skies at 3 am, the entire galaxy, and even though I know you’ll never have them, you still chase after it, and that made me love you more than anything in this world. I never wanted to be the one who loved more, because they’re the ones who rip their hearts out and let others shatter it in front of them. They’re the ones who will give you the stars and the moon and run until their lungs gave out because, hell, they love the fuck out of the person they love, hoping that they will love them just as much as they love them, but the truth is, they don’t; but oh god. You made me cry on my knees and tear myself apart but I know that you love me just as much as I love you._

_The first time you met me, my soul saw you and kind of went "Oh there you are, I’ve been looking for you." Because you are a drop of perfect in an imperfect world._

_These are the words I say when you can't hear me. This is the way I look when you can't see me. And you will never know._

_Pay attention. I'm thinking of you._

_The first time you met me, you told me the world was flat._

_And goddamn right, you pushed me over the edge._

 

_With love,_

**_Taehyun_ **

* * *

##  **_Three weeks before_ **

                Taehyun pursed his lips and pushed over the ebb and flow of the crowd, a blur of so many faces and so many lights and all he could ever feel is the push of his lungs, _in and out_ , they cry. The boy couldn’t help but breathe in the pungent smell of the crowded city, a soft haze of smoke bellowing inside him.

                _The air in this city smells just like him._ He thought, clutching his coat tighter in his arms. The young boy scuttled over the sidewalks until he found what he was looking for. It was an empty, dingy café smack in the middle of the busiest metropolitan area in the world, a soft contrast against the giants that were made of glass and steel. It was built around wood and mites peeked in and out of the rotting hardwood foundations, but it was the same. It is still the same place he first met Mino.

                Taehyun pushed open the glass door, and inside, the familiar heat of the furnace greeted him, painting his face the same rose color he had known. He walked towards the same set of tables that he had always been, the same scratches and the same stain greeted him, for everything around him has changed, but this, this exact spot never changed, and it never will.

                He shrugged off his coat and hung over the seat next to him. Taehyun pulled out his notebook and a black pen. His hands were heavy and his mouth is dry, but all he knows is that he has to, or else, it will be too late.

 

 

 

* * *

                    Taehyun sighed, a deep sigh that resonated across the four walls of his existence. It was small, and sharp, but it contained a lot of unsaid words and tragic feelings. His life is the perfect scene of a tragic love story, but he knows that writing this letter would not be the end of it, thus, it is the starting point of a much longer lap of his pain. 

              The boy stood up, while the chair scratched across the surface of the hardwood floors. He wasn’t comfortable anymore, rather, he is breathing heavily this time, heart clutched against his throat, and cold sweat trickling down his back. He walked out of the coffee shop and breathed in the pungent smell of Seoul once again, and it reminded him of so much that he found himself pressing his against the glass walls of the shop.

                   Taehyun regained his composure, and this time, he walked, much more faster this time. He walked several blocks until he reached the stark building of the hospital, as he entered the building, the smell of disinfectant wafted under his nose. Taehyun walked over the elevator and pressed in to the number 5. The elevator door opened into a deserted hallway, distant sounds of the monitors beeped and scratched along the mumbles of family members. In no time, Taehyun was inside his room, and inside, was Mino, just like how he left him a few hours ago.

                “Oh, you’re back.” Danah said, putting down the book she’s reading.

                 Taehyun smiled at her and put down his coat on the sofa, and then he walked up to Danah and asked, “Is he awake?”

                 Danah nodded and took a sip of her coffee. “Mom said that he’s a bit more responsive than the past few days. He can talk a bit now.”

                “When will the operation start?” Taehyun asked, tapping his hands nervously.

                “Mom said that it’s scheduled around 8. Why?” Danah replied briefly

                “I-I just need some time to talk with him. Is that alright?” Taehyun asked, clasping his hands together.

                “Oh.” She paused. ”Of course.” Danah stood up and grabbed her book and coffee, and scuttled towards the door. Once it was closed, Taehyun moved over Mino’s side and grabbed his hand. His warm hands stroked Mino’s cold one.

                “You should rest. Don’t strain yourself too much, you’re gonna get better soon, okay?” Taehyun whispered to Mino.

                Mino’s eyes fluttered open at Taehyun’s voice, it was the same shine as before, but Taehyun knows that Mino is struggling from the pain. Mino tried to open his cracked lips to reply to Taehyun. Taehyun smiled at him and put his finger over his lips, making Mino close his lips back again.

                He shushed him and clutched his other hand, squeezing it in reassurance. Taehyun sat down beside Mino and put his head on to his arms, “Let’s stay like this for some time. I have missed you so much.”

                Taehyun couldn’t help but cry, his cries were loud and painful, and he was screaming inside of his head. He couldn’t bre. “I am so sorry for everything Mino. I don’t want you to suffer anymore, I am so sorry.”

                   He felt Mino shift under of his head, and Mino’s other hand touched Taehyun’s face, and it weakly wiped tears from his cheeks.

                  “Don’t cry.” Mino breathed out, it was soft, and his voice cracked at the edges while doing so. “I’ll still see you in another life time.”

          Taehyun’s sobs wracked across his body this time while he stared at the fragile state of Mino. He couldn’t help but cry over the thought of losing someone he loves too much.

         “Please don’t leave me. I love you so much.” Taehyun breathed out, touching Mino’s hand on his cheek.

          Mino smiled at him, as he continued to wipe tears from Taehyun’s cheeks. “As much as I want to. I can’t stay much longer.” Mino tried to laugh at his remark, but he couldn’t, neither of them could.

         “I love you so much Taehyun, and most of all, thank you for everything.” Mino whispered, softly, he whispered it so softly that it screamed so much agony inside of Taehyun, and oh god, it did hurt, more than he expected it to be.

 

 

**_Please wait for me, Mino. Let’s see each other in another lifetime._ **

 

 

* * *

_**for Ate Trin!** _

* * *

**Requiem** by saturnical // httptaehyuns

 

 

 


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